Back in the Saddle Again

Yesterday was Saturday and I (Bruce) was home with just Beth for most of the morning.  By mid-morning I got a little restless and decided I would take Beth on a bike ride.  An incredible men's Bible study group in Berlin, Mass. raised money for me to buy a bicycle last year and there was enough left over to purchase a "caboose" type thing for Beth to ride around in.  We can't go anywhere without getting a lot of stares and laughs as Malawians watch Beth being wheeled around in her covered, 1-woman "chariot".  Long story short, last night my back side was killing me and I couldn't think of why.  After a while I realized that in the 6 weeks I was in the States, my body got used to NOT riding the bike and I would have to start from scratch............ and there were going to be aspects of it that were painful.

We had a wonderful time at home (despite the unclear prognosis of my hives) and we loved every opportunity to sit and talk with people and just catch up on life.  But after a few weeks it began to feel kind of strange. I felt restless and wasn't quite sure why.  I knew I didn't look forward to saying "goodbye" all over again but there was something inside me that was excited to get back to Malawi.  After arriving back here in Malawi last Monday (January 21st) I finally put it together.  I was restless for routine and for work. I felt unproductive.  Yes, part of being a missionary is spending time with those who comprise your support base - both spiritually and physically -- and spending that time was a pleasure.  But updating people on our work didn't feel like work - and I felt a strange emptiness because of my lack of routine and my lack of ability to accomplish things.   

Now I'm asking myself (and you) if this is a good thing or a bad thing?  Genesis 2 makes it clear that we are created to work.  Work was given to us by God before the fall and so it's not part of the "curse" of our disobedience.  The Bible affirms "work with our hands" (1 Thessalonians 4:11) and to do whatever we do "as to the Lord" (Ephesians 6:7).  So God is obviously happy with our working - right?  But then the Bible also affirms "the other side".  "Be still" (Psalm 46:10) and the "quiet" and "rest" that Isaiah talks about in 30:15.  Then there is the classic "Martha and Mary" story of Luke 10:38 - 41.  Mary is sitting and listening and Martha (from where I sit) is serving the Lord by doing something - albeit with a cold heart.

Clearly there is a balance to be struck here.......but where is it?   Part of me feels like I should be rebuked for not being better at enjoying the down time and really entering into rest.  Not just the rest that comes from finishing my "to-do's" but the rest that comes to the soul that knows how to simply "BE" in God's presence.  The other part of me feels good (maybe prideful???) that I don't want to be idle - I want to use my gifts while I still have breath in my lungs.   

I'm thinking that maybe "saddle soreness" is not a bad thing.  It's a reminder to me that while work is a great thing - rest is a great thing too.  But resting can be a fight.  Then comes time to work again and muscles may have gotten lazy. I don't want (and I know God doesn't want) me to be consumed by work such that I miss His presence (aka. Martha).  Maybe God delighted in my Cheesecake Factory slice of banana cream cheesecake as much as I did?  But neither does He want me ignoring the fact that there is work to be done and He has uniquely equipped me (and you) to do it.  There's a harvest field that Jesus commanded us to pray about (Matthew 9:38).  There are thirsty, imprisoned, sick people everywhere that God is waiting for you and me to touch (Matthew 25:41- 46).  There's a community (i.e. Church) that, despite our well-reasoned excuses, we must not forsake (Hebrews 10:25).  There's a hill to bike up and cheesecake to burn off. 

I'll close this with my favorite paraphrase of Matthew l l:28 - 30 - from Eugene Peterson's "The Message".
 "Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”